Authors > Ellen Sandbeck > Author Voices

OUTTAKE #8, Cleaning for Show

A short while ago I taped an organic housekeeping segment for a television show in Winnipeg. The producer/star of the show had given me only a sketchy idea of what I was expected to do, and I have an extremely deficient memory, so it is quite easy to trip me up. I was quite disconcerted when just before taping began, I was informed that when the crew was setting up the klieg lights for the taping, and turned them on for the first time, they had discovered a previously invisible light brown stain on the beige couch. (The show was being taped in the host's home.) No one knew what the stain was or how long it had been there, and I was supposed to remove the stain during the show. I had hoped to be able to demonstrate the amazing efficacy of a domestic steam-cleaner, but unfortunately, one was not to be had that day in Winnipeg. Not surprisingly, I failed to remove the stain. Here are my feelings about cleaning: 1) If you can't see a stain unless you throw a thousand-watt spotlight on it, turn off the spotlight. (This philosophy also applies to skin blemishes and wrinkles. Almost everyone over the age of ten would be happier if all the lightbulbs above mirrors were lower wattage.) 2) If it's not bothering you, leave it alone. 3) If it's not dirty, don't clean it. 4) If there's still shiny wax on it, don't rewax it. Too much wax is not a good thing. 5) Don't ever take a swipe at a cleaning chore that you don't want to completely finish. I learned this from a young woman who told me that she had recently bought a home steam-cleaner. She was showing it off to her husband, and took a random swipe at their living room wall. The steam cleaner worked so well that it made a stripe that was significantly lighter than the surrounding wall. The owner of the new appliance said, "%?*%@!!! Now I have to clean the whole wall!” Embrace the dust bunny and live a longer, healthier, happier life.